Every now and then I keep getting throes that I don’t know so many things, and there are so many people doing better than me blah blah!. When I see new books, I feel that I am yet to read so much, when I listen to a new piece of music, I feel I haven’t listened to so much of good music yet. This feeling keeps coming back to me on n off with almost everything ranging from paintings, words, books, grammar, music, comics, travel, cooking, photography, movies, and just everything. Then I start comparing myself with other people ,who in my opinion are better than me, irrespective of their age or experience. I also keep getting this feeling that life is too short, and there are so many things to do. Would I ever be able to have a phase in life where I would be able to say ‘that’s it’, Now I know enough, and I can die now’? But then again I think by the time I get old, new authors, new music, new words etc. would evolve, and then I would have lesser time as it is I think I have a tiny life. Errr… I am all baffled.
Professionally I am able to make peace with myself because at 23+ I am able to do better for myself than many other people of my age. Ohkay! I’d agree that when I see people cracking questions at the click of finger on my website, I feel a little jealous but at the end of the day these people are coming on my website to carve way for themselves. Again, I relieve myself by thinking that had they been better than me, they would have not come here. Yeah I know it’s a fallacious statement but I’d live with it. Yesterday again all these stupid ideas started hovering in my mind, and thwarted me to the core. Scratcher is the only one who comes to my rescue in times like these. I know poor him! He told me that I’d be able to learn, and that I should keep moving, it’s a slow process but I should keep learning small things on daily basis, it will help me grow etc. etc. All his words made perfect sense at that point in time but somewhere I needed to find my own words… I have a habit of sorting out the daily ramblings in my mind before I retire for sleep at night. Last night I was thinking that every person at some point of time finds his own world, his own dreams, and his own place under the sun. Once he discovers that, he doesn’t feel the need to be like someone else. He can just be himself . There are many things that one person can do and other cannot but you have to find out what you are good at. You always have an option to learn things that you may think you are not good at. It really takes a courage to become you really are. You do not have to do a fake display of the qualities that you don’t have or else you will end up losing yourself somewhere in the herd. Every person is original and unique so why even try to copy someone. One should not fear of being judged by someone else. You may be imperfect, insecure, or growing individual but that is how you are, and people will accept you the way you are.
I think these thoughts vented out a lot of emotions out of me and somewhere we all need to make peace with ourselves. When the whole world screams the words BE YOURSELF, they seem alien to you but one day out of the blue these words start making sense to you. And as Desiderius Erasmus says ‘It is the chiefest point of happiness that a man is willing to be what he is.’